That August before I'd left for college, I was supposed to have gone to see Grandma, but we ended up not going for some petty reason...and somehow I "just knew" that I'd missed my last chance to see my grandma...I remember that I regretted leaving for college without saying goodbye one last time. I may have thought of calling her too, but never did... I guess sometimes God gives us premonitions, it's not just that we're worriers... I felt really bad/guilty/heartbroken for sometime after Grandma died because I'd never gotten to say goodbye. ...some months or a year after Grandma died, I had three dreams about her. Now I don't know that God sent them to relieve the pain in my soul, or if He just allowed that I have random dreams that soothed, but I am thankful for these three.
In my first dream, Grandma came over to our house. I was in total shock seeing her alive, but also excited to see her again, "Hi Grandma!", then I just sat there in my dream thinking and then saying it outloud "but...you're dead...?" she only smiled and kept talking to my mom. She was looking for something it seems, something that Mom had or was making for her, I didn't really know. But I asked her if she was okay, she smiled and the dream ended. When I woke up, I thanked God that I got to see her one last time, even if it were just a dream.
In the second dream I saw my grandma again, she was in a hospital bed, I was still questioning, "...you're...dead...?" but I was excited and was going to take advantage of seeing her again and went up to visit with her one last time! She was in good spirits and asked to do her favorite thing, "do you want to play a last game of cribbage?" so I got a board and we played on her hospital bed. As dreams are the game was gone and there was something about the pink blanket Mom was making her and then I asked, "Grandma, are you okay where you are?" She just looked at me with that smile, like she was happy but at the same time sad, maybe because she wanted to tell me but couldn't or maybe because she couldn't console my pain... and then it all vanished, but I woke up feeling happy to have seen her and played one last game with her.
The last dream I've ever had of my Grandma I just remember being at a train and then seeing Grandma walk in, didn't know where she was going. I asked, "But you're dead? How, how are you here?" She had this pink blanket that mom had crocheted for her and said, "I was just picking up this blanket, I needed it before I left." She wasn't on the train yet so I hugged her really close and said goodbye and let her go... as she stood on the moving train I was asking "are you okay where you are Grandma?" She just smiled at me like she couldn't tell me with a little sadness then said goodbye and was gone.
After those dreams I've never had another with my grandma in them, but I thank God for the consolation, because, it really felt like I had seen her, I had played one last game with her and that I really did give her a final hug and say goodbye.
I never told anyone about the dreams until after the last, I told my mom. Then Mom said she'd just finished up a novena for Grandma's soul a few days before. ...and I just realized something... I told my Mom the dreams after she'd finished the novena.... the first dream Mom was making a blanket and there was something special about it, the second it was like Grandma was waiting in her hospital bed for something and the last dream was Grandma having the blanket my Mom had lovingly made for her, Grandma couldn't leave without it....
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